Very Happily Unmarried

I've been thinking lately about the difference between being "single" or being "unmarried." I find this to be an interesting quandary. As in the gay or straight community, people cohabiting are technically single if they are not "legally" married, but may still consider themselves a "couple" and some have limited couple rights under the "domestic partnership" clause offered in some states. Other cohabiters, such as roommates  or friends living together, would consider themselves "single." Both the unmarried couple  and the single cohabiters are denied certain rights entitled to "legally" married people even if those married people are NOT living together.
Gays and lesbians should have the same rights as every other citizen in this country... it is blatant discrimination against a minority to deny them those rights (it would be the same as saying Blacks, Jews or interracial couples cannot marry). As the joke goes: A straight person said, "Sure gays and lesbians should have the right to marry! Why shouldn't they suffer as much as we do?" Being that the divorce rate is over 50%, it seems to me that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. Even domestic violence is on the rise... doesn't that tell us that something's wrong with this institution? Or what about the fact (or phenomena) that so many people cheat on their spouses... marriage isn't some kind of panacea.
I prefer the label "unmarried" for myself because I don't feel "single"... yet I do feel independent and at the same time interdependent.  I have such a wonderful array of family, friends, acquaintances, groups, activities and an excellent social life consisting of men, women, both married and unmarried, gay and straight, young and old, and feel very connected with all of them.
"Single" could refer to someone who has never been married (for whatever reason) while the term "unmarried" could be used for those who are single, divorced, or widowed and therefore a more general term for those who want to preserve their privacy about their relationship history. Unmarried sounds like a very positive, proactive choice about one's marital status.  I even find that when filling out forms and they ask if you're "single," "married," "divorced," or "widowed," I always write in "unmarried."
Personally, I think that the whole "legal" institution could be dismantled. People should be able to live together... or not. Love each other... or not. Have children together... or not. And it should all be good. And, as far as the financial aspects, contracts or agreements could be drawn up to cover "what happens if... " situations (like Trusts, Wills, Partnerships, etc.)
With all that said,  I was wondering what others think about this. So, just consider this "one reporter's opinion." I've been married, I've been coupled, I've cohabited, and now I'm very happily unmarried and plan to stay this way. Ahhh, life is good!

Lost In the Hood

     On May 10th, I went on an exploratory hike at Hood Mountain in Santa Rosa with my wonderful Wanderwomen buddies Anja, Nancy and Annie. This was supposed to be an easy two hour loop with lovely views in an idyllic setting on a beautiful day. Okay, that was the plan. I liked it. It sounded perfect. Oh, and for the record, I have to give you this disclaimer that this is just one reporter's opinion of our "easy loop" hike. This may not be the opinions of my cohorts. 

     It started out well. All went according to plan. We found our trail head off the parking lot and started out on our Great Adventure. We even had a map of the loop we planned to do. Everything was looking good. 

     Well, we got really, really lost! (I seem to do that a lot lately.) Now, if you ask Anja, she says we were never really lost... we just didn't know how to get back to the car. Now I call that lost or, to use the Yiddish expression "farblondjhet," translated as meaning "to wander blindly." I guess it's all a state of mind.   

     So, this is what happened...after hiking for about an hour and a half, the trail ended abruptly, which our trusty little map failed to tell us. We figured this out when we saw a little sign that read, "end of trail." After some debate and discussion about what to do, we decided to go off-trail, cross-country back to the car instead of retracing our steps from whence we came. Annie, Anja and Nancy thought it would be a short cut back to the car and decided that was the best way to go... I thought this was the beginning of the end. 

     Anyway, after clomping through this unknown territory for what seemed like an interminable amount of time, we somehow got turned around out in the middle of nowhere (which was actually somewhere, but the "where" part was questionable) and couldn't figure out how to get from point A (where we were) to Point B (where the car was parked). So, we wandered endlessly (or so it seemed) across hills and dales and rivers and meadows (which were probably loaded with pirana tics and rattle snakes galore!) After about an hour of our "farblondjhetness," I was trying to call for a helicopter and rescue team, but my darn cheapo cell phone didn't get any reception! I was already planning my "survival" kit for the next wilderness outing: waterproof matches, a blanket, a GPS, a compass, flares, bandaids, a flashlight, Q-tips, a little sewing kit, a tic removal kit, a pair of tweezers, an extra pair of socks, walkie-talkies, a bow and arrow, a better cell phone, a blow up mattress, a gallon of water, a towel, a washcloth, a fleece jacket, an umbrella, a pillow, food for at least three days, a pot-up tent, my jammies, and my teddy bear... and, if I can swing it, a forest ranger.) 

     We climbed over a barbed wire "private property" fence (actually, I slid under because I didn't want to get any barbs in my butt), snuck by a herd of giant, woman-eating mad-cows (or at least that's what they looked like to me from my city-girl perspective), waded through a river in water up to our knees (I was a little annoyed about getting my relatively new shoes all wet, but I shouldn't complain because Annie slipped in the river and realized later that she had broken her little toe!), climbed up steep slopes and then back down again when we realized there was a sheer drop-off at the top. 

     At one point, Annie, Anja and Nancy were even using Annie's necklace as a pendulum over the map and were asking it which way we should go to get back to the car... traversing IN the river (Anja calls it a "creek" when I thought it was more akin to the Amazon or Mississippi Rivers), trekking over the hills, retracing our steps, or going through the middle of the cow field. I felt like we were really in trouble at this point... we were now talking to a necklace. Oy! As it turned out, the pendulum was even better than a compass because it told us that the river was probably the best bet. Believe it or not, the pendulum was right because we FINALLY found our way back to the car by walking IN the river to where we recognized a beaver dam that we had crossed earlier and found the trail we were originally on! 

     This easy two hour hike took four hours! Yes, we were tired and wet, but we got back safe and sound. (Hmmm, what does that mean exactly... "sound"? When someone asks me how I am, I never say, "I'm feeling really sound today, how are you?" Oh well, you get the drift.)

     When we were driving back to civilization, Nancy, Anja and Annie said afterwards that they had fun! Can you believe that?? Fun?? I said I thought "fun" was too strong a word. I thought we were going to die out there, but I didn't want to worry them, so I kept these thoughts to myself. 

     On a positive note... I have to say that the views, the wild flowers, the meadows, the mountains, the weather and my fellow hikers were all beautiful. And, I couldn't have picked more capable, fun, delightful, calm women to be lost with. I put my life in their hands and they saved the day! For that, I am most thankful to Anja, Annie and Nancy and they have my undying (for not letting me die out there in the wilderness) gratitude!

Bodega Head(ache)

My friend Dorothy and I went out with a group women friends for a leisurely afternoon hike out at Bodega Head recently. There were twelve of us starting out and it was a beautiful morning! Ah, a relaxing walk on the beach...what could be better, I mused.

We took a circuitous route from the parking lot, viewed the Marine Research Lab from a distance and then hiked through the sandy trails to the beach, which took about an hour and a half. When we reached the beach, some wanted to continue out to Mussel Point. But Dorothy and I were ready to head back to the car, so we took off on our own. Big mistake!! Since we had been just following the leaders and chatting along the way, we didn't pay too much attention to how we got to where we were.

Anyway, we got so "farblondjhet" (a yiddish word meaning "to wander blindly") for an interminable amount of time... it actually seemed like weeks!  We must have taken a wrong turn from the get-go. Yes, there were signs; but, unfortunately they were lying on the ground so it was hard to determine which way would take us back to the parking lot. So, we kept looking for fresh tracks from whence we came, but then the trails would just...end!

My friend was visiting from Oakland and didn't know Bodega Head from a hole in the head and I have the sense of direction of a lemming. So, since we kept losing it (the trail, I mean... although I was kind of losing it and thinking we'd have to call 911 and have a helicopter come and rescue us from the endless dunes before we either died of starvation or water deprivation), we kept back-tracking over and over and over again. It seemed like for every one step forward, we two-stepped back (and I'm not talking country western dancing here). I was getting so turned around my head was spinning. 

Finally, I got desperate when I saw a semi-paved road in the distance. At that point, the trail be damned! We took off as the crow flies and scampered right through the tall, brambly grasses (which kept impaling my fingers, but at that point I didn't think about my bleeding to death because I was becoming delusional), almost colliding with a herd of rabid deer and a giant, woman-eating jackrabbit! I was also getting paranoid about getting eaten alive by deer tics that I envisioned invading every orifice of my body with Lyme's disease. I didn't mention this to Dorothy because I didn't want to have to carry her on my back if she freaked out about the tic thing. So, on we trekked through the Dune Buries (which was I was afraid would happen to us if we didn't find our way back by nightfall) until we reached the back-road. I was semi-relieved, even though I didn't know where the heck we were, because at that point I figured we could always call a taxi. Again, we headed the wrong way for about 10 minutes and had to double back yet again (talk about wrong-way Corrigan!). 

Then, after wending our way out to the main highway, I saw a "host RV" across the road and high-tailed it over there and begged the woman to give us a ride back to the Bodega Head parking lot, which was still two miles from where we were! She was very sweet, drove us back to the parking lot and we were finally SAVED! Yea! And, as the old adage goes, all's well that ends swell! :-)

The PROBLEM

The PROBLEM is
The PROLIFERATION
And PREPONDERANCE
Of POMPOUS
PATRIARCHAL
POLITICIANS
With a PROPENSITY
For the PURSUIT
Of PROFIT
And POWER

The Room 'O Doom

Vanna knew that place all too well
The room in which she used to dwell
That was the room where she was born
A sullen child, so sad, forlorn

Her room was painted black and gray
It was there she'd eat, sleep and play
The sheets were faded, old and worn
Pillowcases, ravaged and torn

A filthy mattress lay upon the floor
Splinters jutting from the old wood door
The paint on the walls, alas, was peeling
Cobwebs draped upon her from the ceiling

Out of the window, she could not see
For if she could, she was sure she'd flee
The crud, the dirt... oh, so thick
No wonder she was always sick

In the rug nestled a family of mice
Along with fire ants, spiders and lice
Fetid clothes in her closet would reek
Her future was looking horribly bleak

Vanna could not imagine a life more dismal
Each and every day was utterly abysmal
Her caretakers were hateful, evil and wicked
They flung food on the floor for her to lick it

She had no toys so she played with her ears
This helped to alleviate some of her fears
She never, ever ventured out of that room
Each day was like living in the Temple of Doom

Late at night she heard tortured screams
Images of the dead permeated her dreams
She knew for sure that her room was haunted
Yet she survived, though scathed and daunted

Vanna lived in that prison for 20 years of her life
Till finally she wed and became a wife
But, being married wasn't all that grand
It made her little room... seem like Disneyland

I Love Not Camping!

The first time I went camping...Oy! was I nervous
Camping to me was not having room service
We shlepped tents, sleeping bags, food, pots and clothes
Pillows, bug spray and sun block for my nose

Five hours to put up a tent called a dome
I told my friend Ethel, "I'm tired, I wanna go home"
I had to crawl on my knees in and out of the tent
Soon I couldn't straighten up... my back was permanently bent

In the middle of the night, I thought I heard a bear
It sniffled and snuffled, then I heard the tent tear
I sunk into my bag that had a polyester filler
Where was my friend?? Oy, I'm gonna kill her

I let out such a scream that I know woke the dead
But it wasn't a bear I saw, it was a raccoon's head
A mama raccoon with two of her babies
I prayed that they wouldn't attack and give me the rabies

With all this excitement, now I had to pee
But I was afraid to go out, I might squat on a bee
That's all I needed, a sting on my tush
Or poison oak from some evil bush

So into the corner of the tent I waddled
Then I took aim and peed in a bottle
I wanted my toilet, my hairdryer, my shower
I wanted my bed, running water, electric power!

The next day we went out birding and walking
And I was sure I heard a mountain lion stalking
I started to panic and ran into a boulder
I wondered if I'd survive to be another year older

We hiked all day over hill and dale
By the time we got back, I was dragging my tail
I was cranky and crabby and tired and hot
I was starving to death, I wanted to eat... a lot

Where is my food? I ranted and raved
I wanted home cooking, I wanted to be saved
Ethel said she'd never again go camping with me
I can't tell you how this threat filled me with glee

After two nights we finally went home
No more to the jungle do I ever roam
Now if I really need a little peace and quiet
I just pack up my bags and check into a Hyatt!

Same-Self Marriage

There once was a woman who married herself

She was tired of waiting like a book on a shelf

She had waited and waited for her true love to arrive

Then one day she realized, "Alone, I can survive!"

So she planned her own wedding from cake to gown

This wonderful event was the talk of the town

Arrive did she in a horse-drawn carriage

To this special day of her same-self marriage

Two hundred guests were dressed to the hilt

Happiness filled the air; not regrets, tears or guilt

She stood proudly, alone, and took a vow

To love, honor and cherish herself, starting here and now

She'd care for herself in sickness and in health

And promised to stay, whether in poverty or wealth

She'd always be faithful and from the bottom of her heart

Promised to never leave herself, till death did her part

And not for a moment did she hesitate or linger

In putting a gold wedding ring upon her own finger

Then she kissed her hand and walked up that aisle

From ear to ear, she was wearing a smile

She waltzed out on the dance floor when the music began to play

And danced alone to the song "I Did It My Way"

She knew she had found the love of her life

When she pronounced herself... Woman and Wife